OWNERSH*T commit to sit

Over the last 24 years, I have heard from a multitude of people, “You need to write a book.” 

After I almost died giving birth to my son Charlie, had seven pints of blood transfused, went through all five of the clotting agents available (only finally took), the doctor removed my uterus. My wasband David and I were told we could hire a gestational surrogate to carry our next child. The doctor reminded us she had left my ovaries so we could create our own embryos and grow them in another woman’s uterus. In 1999 I had not heard of anyone doing this and Dave was an out-of-work actor at the time. We decided to go for it anyway. I shared my first surrogate experience as well as our second via my blog and on Facebook. I shared the heartache of losing my uterus. I  shared about the experience of having a gestational surrogate as it was all going down in real-time.

Back in the early 2000s, I was introduced to Robin Ruzan. She was a television producer for a show I did a segment on. She was also married at the time to comedic actor, Mike Myers, from SNL. Robin and I had communicated a little bit and I was surprised and tickled pink when she reached out to me one day and asked if I could meet her for coffee. She wanted to discuss something. I readily agreed and drove over the hill from my home in Valley Village to the West Hollywood Starbucks on the corner of Sunset Boulevard and Crescent Heights. “Hell yeah! Robin Ruzan is a television producer, who saw me do a segment, and now wants to meet. Awesome alert! Does she want to create a show with me?” 

I recognized Robin immediately when I walked into Starbucks from her Facebook photos. She got up from her chair and we walked to the counter and ordered our coffee. (I was having coffee with the daughter of the woman on who Mike Myers based his character Linda Richards for SNL’s Coffee Talk. Being from Kansas, I loved stuff like that. I still do!) Robin had piercing crystal clear blue eyes that were beautiful to look at. She shared how she had heard about and watched some of my posts regarding my surrogacy journey. She talked about how not many people have not gone through surrogacy. She said my experience is unique and the way I share about it is too. Toward the end of our coffee talk, Robin said, “You are sitting on a gold mine. You need to write a book about your experience. Corner the market. This is yours. Own it.” 

I listened. Corner the market. Write a book. My stomach fluttered. Something in me knew I was supposed to write a book and she tapped that knowing. I listened to what she had to say, thanked her, and we said our goodbyes. She left. She didn't want to develop a show with me or help orchestrate the book. She came to give me a piece of advice that she thought enough about to schedule a face-to-face meeting to share. It was so out of the blue. Huh. I took that information home, told some friends, and stuck it in my back pocket. 

I've shared and continue to share about the mess of my life and what I learned from it. I have found golden nuggets in my mess that I pull out, learn from, polish, and share the tangible tools how to get to the gold. My greatest magic is in my mess. As I share the messiness of my life, I remind myself and others that You Are Not Alone. Feeling alone has been a thought I have held that I have had the great pleasure of working with. I have had a bunch of other interesting thoughts and beliefs that I have worked with over the years - more on those later. Sharing my mess brings me great joy and is a part of my purpose on this planet. As I continue to write and post about many wild and incredible life events, I continue to hear the same piece of advice, “You have to write a book.” I’ve been hearing it over and over for the last 24 years. Each time I would put the comment in my back pocket and hold it or stuff it inside of my body and bring it up to chew on from time to time. I have started eight books all with complete outlines and some with chapters written as well. They all sit in files on my computer.

Today in my bathroom at 57 years old and 10 lbs overweight I found myself wondering why all of my visions and dreams have not been realized. Feeling like a stuffed sausage with my fat pants on that are cutting into my overgrown stomach area. (We all know our own bodies. We know when we feel our best, healthiest, and strongest. We also know when we don’t. Today I don’t.) I plopped my super full ass down on my makeup chair and looked into my smudged makeup mirror. I looked deep into my own eyeballs. I asked, “God, what the hell? What is going on? I am ready. I have done the inner work! What do I have to do to fully own my purpose and space on this planet, to do what I know I am here to do in the way I envision it?” As I held my gaze, my eyes lit up as if they were amused. I immediately heard the response, “Write your book. Seriously Leigh, how many messages must I send? How many breadcrumbs must I drop? How many people must come to you “out of the blue” for you to get it? Sit down and write your words, my beloved child. Right now, sit down and write. Heck, I’ll even help you write the thing if you’ll only sit down and ask.” God’s got a point. He has been dropping the longest never ending line of breadcrumbs and I have been eating them, shoving them in my pockets, and storing them inside of my body. I am done eating the clues. I am done allowing the fear of success to derail me. It's time for me to OWN my life, my career, and my experience on this planet. I am having 100% OWNERSH*T (owning my shit) over all of it The good. The bad. And The sexy. 

Okay, God. I am sitting and asking you to co-create this hilarious, powerful, raw, authentic, profoundly wise, and sexy New York Times Best-Selling Book that changes the lives of the people on this planet (or that one person who really needs it) this or something greater for the highest good of all involved, amen. I am typing and I feel lighter already.