2020 I Love You Already
Out with the old and in with infinite possibilities.
As a new decade is upon us, let’s reflect back on what went down in 2019. What did you love? What brought you joy? What touched your heart? What weighed you down? What drained you? What caused you stress? Think about these things before setting your intention for 2020. Be very clear on what feed your heart and soul. The work, the music, the friends, the things you did in your spare time, what lit you up? Focus on those things in the next year. Make YOU a priority in 2020. Look at what you are spending your time on each day. Write it down. What on your list is bringing in money, joy, or fun? What is weighing you down, causing stress or hurting your heart?
I plan to soar in LOVE during the next year and decade of 2020. Loving myself, my children, my co-workers, friends, family, and peeps I get to know. My heart and mind are wide open to all that God has in store for me. Career-wise I am only giving my attention to things that bring in money for 2020. No more spinning my wheels, doing too much and wringing my hands. One example of this is my October workshop. We worked my ass off for months to get the whole thing together and although it was successful and fulfilling to my heart, financially I broke even. It was enormous amounts of time and energy for almost no financial pay-off. That will not be happening again. I am leading my company and guiding my tribe in a way that makes sense as an entrepreneur, not just someone getting by. This is a Mindset Tweak! Do less, working smarter, and flow with grace and ease. It doesn’t have to be hard. Actually, hard means something isn’t right. When you are aligned with your purpose, are being of service and in gratitude, abundance flows (in all areas of life)!
David and I are nearing the end of our divorce proceedings. Most people knew nothing about our divorce situation because I had kept quiet about it for five years honoring Dave’s privacy since he is in the public eye. A small group of people knew about what was going on, but the majority didn’t. I had been fighting like hell in 2018 to keep the family together, but by 2019 it was clear I had to let Dave go. Dave moved out in February of 2019. I can’t even begin to tell you what this process was like. Watching my beloved, the love of my life, slip away without a damn thing I could do, it just about killed me.
I remember the day he moved out and I went into the guest house to bawl. I cried for about 45 minutes curled up on the floor. When I had had enough, I stood up, looked down for the foundation of what I thought my life was built on and it was gone. I literally started patting/feeling my way up my body realizing I was still standing. I kept going all the way up to my head then looked up at God and said, “What do you have planned for me? Use me. I look forward to what you have in store.
I asked Dave the other day when we were announcing the divorce. I was ready for everyone to know so I could move on publicly and privately. Dave informed me he was not announcing the divorce. Damn! I had been holding all of this heaviness for years. I decided to just start sharing it. It feels so amazing to be able to say openly we are wrapping up the details of our divorce. I can cry when someone asks me how I am when I am hurting. I can get support from the people who have been through it and want to walk with me. I can assure the people who talk about choosing sides that there are no sides.. Our relationship has run its course and we had an amazing run. I am grateful for the time I had with David. We taught each other so much. I am grateful for the beautiful family we created. We spent blood sweat and tears to create our family. I am grateful for his kind and generous heart. Grateful how when we first met, his unconditional love melted the armor of my childhood and got me onto the path of healing and self-love which I still walk today. David was a great provider. He was and still is hilarious. I remember all the good. All the fun. I will love him forever but in a different way. Life is impermanent. Everything is. Enjoy what is in front of you. Know that change is coming. Welcome it, allow it. feel it, grieve it, cry, lay down til you are so worn out that standing seems like a good option. Then stand up, brush off, connect within and get to work learning and loving yourself. Keep walking beautiful friends. Walk with sturdy legs. Be in gratitude for all of what life brings you. Life is not happening to you, it’s happening for you.
Thank you 2019, thank you marriage, thank you divorce, thank you, David. All of you have blessed me with clarity for 2020. Knowing what I am worthy of and what I will never tolerate again. Thank you for teaching me that from here on out, I will only move through life with grace and ease.
In 2020 I will do less and make more. I will love with an open mind and heart and remove all barriers. I will stay in the present moment which is the only place life is happening..
2020 is what we choose it to be. I am choosing Love. ❤️