Marriage Should be a Beautiful Thing

I am the divorce coach for @VestaDivorce Beverly Hills hub. The more I listen to the stories of the folks going through a divorce, I am getting clearer and clearer that marriage is not always a beautiful partnership of two people moving forward together on the path of life.

Oftentimes they are walking in two separate directions, someone has sat down, or someone has a little side thing going on that the other partner knows nothing about.

I watched my father stay with my mother until his death. He did so because he was a Catholic and he “Took the vow in front of Almighty God and he was going to honor it!” My mother was mentally ill.

My dad died at 69. I believe he died from heartache. My father gave up his social life with his buddies because my mother didn’t like them. In their later years, my mother forbade him from seeing his children. He didn’t show up to my little sister’s wedding because my mother said it was either her or the kids. He loved his children with all of his heart, but because of a belief he held, he honored her wishes. And once again she was mentally ill. He used to call me for reality checks because he only spent time with her and her feelings were so isolated and mean-spirited. She was a good soul, but mental illness took her downtown.

I remember once my dad called for a reality check. At the end of the call I said, “Dad, if God would have gone deeper into that vow, He/She may have said, “Stick with your wife through thick and thin but don’t compromise your life, sanity, and family connection if she is sick. Get her the help she needs and then take care of yourself. You are here to be in joy. You are here to experience love. I AM love. Anything outside of love needs to be explored, tweaked, saved or released. Don’t use my love for you as an excuse to keep from fully living your life and being happy.”

“You are here to be in joy. Go love your kids, Dick. Take your wife to a facility that will care for her, help with her addiction, and work on her mental illness. Don’t fall into the darkness and vow to stay in it over a thought that I want you there. I want you to be happy. You don’t stay in the prison you have created. Live your life, Richard Morgan, live.” - that’s what I think He/She might say anyway.

I stayed in a marriage that was doomed for five years trying everything to keep it together when obviously it wasn’t meant to stay together. I fought so hard that I got off of my own path and focused only on the man who was spiraling so far down I couldn’t see him anymore. He was not walking with me. He had thrown in the towel. I was holding so tightly to a thought that I was going to be with him until I died, I forgot everything else. I was so worn out. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or take care of myself let alone our kids. They say in Alanon you can get as sick as the person dying from addiction. I am a walking testament. I knew at the end that I was going to end up very sick if I didn’t let go and take care of myself. I finally let go.

A marriage is a partnership of two loving beings moving forward together. Marriage is a commitment to love, cherish, and honor. Are you loved? We are here to be in joy. Are you in joy?

Do you love yourself?

We are heading into the new year. How do you like where you are right now? If you love it congratulations! If you don’t explore it.

Many are going through bumpy times right now. Divorce is skyrocketing. Connect with me for a game plan to build it back up or assistance in looking at other possibilities. We are not here for a long time, so let’s have a good time.

Text the word Leigh to the number 41242, answer a few automated questions then sign up for a complimentary 15-minute call with me. I look forward to hearing from you.